Just to clarify, I can eat gluten, I actually love gluten. Gluten won’t make me fall to the floor and suddenly die, but, I'll have painful joints, headaches, rashes, and feel just awful. When I think about how I used to feel each and every day before my CD diagnosis and compare it to how I feel today, what a difference not eating gluten. I am still amazed that I managed to even function with CD symptoms before I was diagnosed.
When I go out to eat, attend dinner parties, BBQs, or join friends for drinks, I wonder what they are thinking about my “limitations” on what I can eat and drink. I wonder if they think I am some kind of food snob, putting my nose up at everything. Are they convinced that I just making up excuses not to eat foods I don’t like? (Okay, maybe there are times …….)
I often liken my new way living to being on the ocean in a row boat. “Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.” I don’t know who said that, but they are so right, especially when applied to “food, food everywhere, but not a bite I can eat!” Television ads for fast food, well, they just suck! It’s the only word I can come up that really describes the feeling of knowing that I should never try the new Wendy’s burger, or as I salivate over a commercial of my old favorite, taco burgers. (Wistfully, Ah, to be able to walk into a fast food joint and order anything I want off the menu, and then sit down at on one of those benches that have 12 small tables nailed to floor in front of it, and eat till I’m sick.) After three years of eating GF, eating in a fast food joint sounds like a small slice heaven. (Do pizza parlors have those benches too, been awhile since I went to a pizza parlor.)
As I’ve rowed my way around this gluten laden ocean, looking for that place where it's supposed to be calm, quiet and gluten free, I’ve been stuck in several whirlpools, chased by sharks, and I think I’ve met Nessie along the way (really! I think she is a vegetarian. )
I have to know what is in everything I eat. I’m getting better about asking those wonderful cooks to tell what is in their dishes, but there are times when it can difficult and embarrassing. When I eat out at restaurants, I often feel like I’m being rude to the wait staff for being so demanding and requesting specially prepared meals. When I go to parties or BBQs at friends and families homes, I just hope and pray that the hostess doesn’t notice that I am not enjoying their carefully prepared, delicious looking platters of food! (And I hope that they don’t notice that I brought all my own food and beverages). When I go grocery shopping I’m reading every label and spend hours in the store to buy a dozen items. If having to read every label isn’t time consuming enough, I really get disgusted with the labels on products that are printed on brightly colored paper, and the print so small that you need a microscope to make it out! (Although, my boyfriend thinks that I am getting old and just can’t see anymore, I refuse to accept that explanation!) If by some miracle the label is legible, it usually has gluten in it. (My ever present luck.)
Eating GF is as much a choice for me as it is a necessity, my options are eat gluten feel awful, or don’t eat it, and feel good. When I began this GF journey, I felt cheated, left out, and hungry, now I realize (after gaining about 80 lbs) that it’s okay to ask questions, make special food preparation requests, bring my own food and beverages to parties. Bringing a friend when I go shopping to read the labels is a real asset. (Okay, that might be pushing it, but I really hate my glasses!)
Most of all I have learned that I have the strength to say no to gluten. I have the rest of my life to thank for my choice of a GF diet. I know that with each day, month and year that passes with less pain, I will be able to improve my quality of life. I am grateful for each day I have to enjoy my family and friends. My journey, as I see it isn’t about the destination, but am I feeling good enough to enjoy the ride. Now, the question I asked myself; What do my family, friends and those unfortunate wait staff think? It’s not about them, it’s about my choice to live gluten free, and to live a long, happy and healthy life.
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